craving..

I am craving brownies with lot's of walnuts in it! Although I'm watching my carbohydrates, I still eat sweets and one of my favorites includes brownies. Dad bought a cheaply store brand which I don't think would taste good. I'll just bake my own delight tomorrow. Ciao for now!

Be good and best of luck

My girlfriend N left this afternoon for Norfolk, Va. She said a while back that they'll be staying with her sister for good. I hope all is well with them both. On her way to the airport she called me, apparently I didn't hear my phone ringing because it was set silent, the moment I checked my phone it was around 3pm and I am sure she's on the plane by then.
At 7pm, I called her back and I learned that they just arrive at her sister's place. I just asked how was her flight, I told her to be good and I wished her luck. I also told her not to give her sister headache so that everything will be alright.
Not too long ago, I treated her with so much understanding and sympathy but she's the kind of person that would not listen to my advices so I had to keep my self distance. I don't want to be like a broken record and be the accessory of her foolishness, call me self-righteous but that's the way I manage my own life. I may have different standards and norms in life yet I believe that it works for me. I don't want to implement my own beliefs to others.
It's so sad she left without final closure to our differences. I have been honest to her but I think I need to be silent just to save the friendship we have left in each other. I don't want to say things that I would regret in the end. Sometimes it is nice to keep ones angst to oneself to avoid further damage.
I just hope and pray that everything will work out fine on her side. I believe she have the solutions in mind for all the troubles she's going through, not that I agree nor like them but I just have to respect her decisions after all its her life not mine. I'm just hoping for her own good.

let me rant

I was in our basement earlier this afternoon doing my routine afternoon exercise, while I was downstairs, somebody turned the lights off on the stairway. I knew who did it. Who else but Dad! It's his routine, it doesn't happen once but for the nth time already. I went up, and I found him watching his western show, I turned the mute button on, I told him "what the hell was he doing on the lights on the stairway???" I was so mad and furious, he did that to me for 4 days in a row, I just had it passed until today. I yelled at him, which I don't normally do as long as I can hold my temper. I told him, next time he does that to me he'll pay for it! He asked for an apology which I also accepted.
Then at around 9:30pm Roger had his exercise after work, same story had happened, Dad turned off the lights again! This time, I reminded him what I had just told him earlier this afternoon. He remained silent, since he was watching the TV, I turned the TV off, and turned all the lights off in the living room and dining(turned off using the master switch)excluding my bedroom. He didn't realized that its my way of getting even. He went to my room and told me that the lights outside are out, it could be the fuse(we don't have fuse instead a switch panel) I told him I don't care, don't bother talk to me because I am upset. Roger knew what I did. I told him to turn on the switch in 30 minutes.
I had been very patient with Dad but for some reason, I can't handle my anger anymore that is why I yelled him. I've been complaining to my husband about my days filled with aggravation because of his father but deep inside I don't want my husband to worry about his father's safety. He told me before, if it really bother me having him with us, its about time to send him to his other brother which I doubt if they can stand him even for 3 days only. I told my husband to just let me pour out my feelings so that I would be able to release the negative vibes in me. Sometimes, I think of giving up on him[Dad] but when I think of his best, he is better off with me than to his other boys who never had any concern of him.

week-long haitus

I had been busy lately that is the reason why I didn't updated my blog. I could have made at least an entry or two but I choose not to do due primarily from my laziness. If there's a will there's a way, as the saying goes.
I had also updated all my clinical papers for the coming fall semester. I also renewed my police and child abuse clearances for both my home state and my school's. Drug test was also renewed I'm just waiting for the results, actually I already knew that I am clean that I can be very sure of not unless they'll switch my specimen to someone else's. ONE more thing to accomplished and I'll be all set for the next semesters juggling student life.
Yesterday, we had a party for Roger's birthday, I was so glad everything went out fine. When I invited my handful friends, I just simply told them to come to my house for I'll have a cotillion and bring themselves. Everything went out just perfect. Roger had fun so as the kids too. Once in a year my yard won't be lonely, they were playing football, it was fun. I just hope they enjoyed the food I prepared for them. Whenever I have an affair at home I used to prepare two different dishes that would be for both the locals and "us" the foreign taste buds. I didn't mind making an extra dish, I know they would appreciate, not all locals would appreciate Filipino cuisine except my husband and Terry, I believed that they are both assimilated.
At around 7:30pm they all went home and we were left with many left over food and beer. I drank half-full glass with Roger in our backyard, it was raining yet we stayed outside under the umbrella. When we went in I complained of bug bites, Roger had told me if I would be okay staying outside, I just replied I would be fine but when bugs feasting my fat legs I complained. Who is to blame then? Until now I still suffer from the big bumps I gained from last nights carelessness or should I say stupidity. Whatever!

Enjoying the summer...minus the sleep

It's rainy June, it seems like we are having April rains in June, I don't mind, my garden needed it so much and besides it saves me from getting out of bed as early as 6am to water my thirsty plants. I had been staying late for two weeks now. I don't like this attitude I missed the morning news and talks with my husband prior to work. It's not too long ago where I have to obliged myself to get up as early as 5am for my 7am call time at the hospital for my clinical rotation, and now that I am off from school for the entire summer, my schedule is very dull and I think I became lazy again.

I can't sleep early, I kept on tossing and turning in the middle of the night while my husband next to me is already in the dreamland. When school is around at 11pm my eyes just shut off like it has its own clock. I've been doing exercise everyday to keep me fit but my sleep didn't improve at all. Experts said that difficulty sleeping or keeping asleep is a sign of stress. Stress what? I can honestly tell the entire world that I have nothing to worry about as a matter of fact I slept more when I am stressed-out with so many school works to accomplished and a lot more things to do. Those experts need to revise their theories and amend their beliefs because here I am doing the exact opposite of what they believed. Does this mean I'm not one of those "normal" individuals who suffered sleep problems? They should study on people like me hahahah!
Anyway, I had a great weekend despite the rain. I cooked veal stew for the first time and it taste so yummy. Too bad my husband had diarrhea, a side effect from the antibiotics for his sinus infection, he didn't devoured so much of its good taste, although he ate a bowl but it just went down to the toilet minutes later, I pity him. Well there is always another time.

Should it be forced?

Earlier tonight my husband and I talked about my upcoming pelvic exam to check how well the medication works. Last year I took provera for 3 months then a low dose birth control followed. Since then I've been taking a low dose birth control pill for my cysts in both ovaries and fibroid in my uterus. I asked my OB/GYN about the significance of taking the pill for my condition and she oblige to explain me in details. I only have a bit of information about women's health if not because of my condition. My previous tests pointed out into one direction. I can't conceive because I don't ovulate normally. Ouch! My world turned up side down. How could I produce my offspring if basically I don't have the exact ingredients to make one? At first I was in denial, then I seek treatment.

As far as I can remember I have trouble with my menstrual pattern, duration and quantity. I never had a continuous treatment when I was single because I thought it was just nothing and besides I believed it runs in the family. Treatment is also costly and in the Philippines there's no such thing as health insurance so every time I see a doctor I have to pay my own pocket.

When I came here in the US I got my health insurance from my husband and I felt relieved. I've seen couple of doctors before I finally found the one that I am comfortable working with. But I only see my OB/GYN when my period lasts more than 3 weeks and when its gone and I felt comfortable again I forgot to make a follow-up visit.

Roger and I wanted to have a child of our own, I know for sure that I won't be able to have a baby if I will not continue my treatment religiously. I feel bad seeing him and Dad playing with my niece. I realized that my treatment is very important. Take note, I don't want to get pregnant just for the sake of others but for me and my husband. I felt bad when asked "Do you have a kid yet?" as if having a baby is just like making love at once and viola it’s a baby. How could be this people so inconsiderate? Sila kaya magbuntis?

Event of the day: Cooking

Yes you read it right I cooked today. I don't usually buy chicken livers because my husband doesn't eat 'em, but when I went to the grocer's meat section the butcher had just put in couple containers of chicken livers so I picked one. When I got home I cleaned them real good and trimmed the visible fats and drained them. On the other side I minced 3 cloves of garlic, quarter of medium sized red onions then set aside. I heated the pan with a tablespoon of extra virgin olive oil, as soon as it heated up I sautéed the onions & garlic and a fresh coarse black pepper. I added the livers and a dash of kosher salt to taste then let it cooked till its golden brown.
I ate 2 cups of rice or maybe more hahaha very sinful! 30 minutes later I exercised on my treadmill for 1hr on a speed of 3mi/hr. I paid for it tseh!

Below is a picture of my sautéed chicken livers, Bon apetito!

$30 shopping

How far does $30 go when shopping? Since I am inexpensive yet stylish buyer I am proud to say that I can buy 2 beautiful pairs of ladies slip on or a pair of sneakers. Of course I don't shop in the malls because their prices are way too high for my budget. My husband gets excited every time I showed him my great finds. He never cease to compliment me of my buying powers.

2 pairs of slip-on for less than $30

Before he reminded me to buy the good ones even if the price is quite high but I didn't listen to him. To this date I still buy inexpensive items from a bargain store. It took me a lot of explaining and proofs that the items I bought are of the same brand, style and quality compare to the one's sold at a retail store. He finally agreed me when I showed him the sneakers I bought. I got 2 pairs for the price of one.

Nike shox for only $29.99

Grocery shopping is another story, I don't mind the price of the food I'm buying as long as it's fresh. However, sale items doesn't stop me from budget saving. Stores send their ads every week so I can pick which one's have the cheapest item i needed to replenish my pantry. In terms of meat I also buy more when it is on sale, for example the price of pork chop is normally at @3.99/lb but in one of the supermarket is marked down as much as 50% off or even more, so I have to buy twice the amount of my usual budget. The secret of getting the best prices is knowing how much your family consume each meal and how much cooking is needed in a week and most of all how to shop. I enjoyed seeing the amount I saved in my grocery bill. My husband is the only one working and the only way I can help him is to budget wisely and definitely put something aside for the rainy days for we don't know what lies ahead in todays economy.

Back to school

It is summer vacation here in the US while back in the Philippines school year started this month. Every time classes starts my worries also increases because I have students that needs financial assistance; books, uniforms, shoes and the huge part of the expenses – the tuition and enrollment fees.

I'm happy that my college student graduated last March, it is a known fact that college tuition is more expensive than grade school. One student is done, another student starts school. It's a never ending cycle. I am not complaining because I believe that education is the best thing a person can have and it can not be stolen no matter what.

I am aware that the money I paid for them was well spent. One of my student did well in school. At her grade level she is eloquent. I wished I studied in a prestigious school when I was younger so I could be more articulate in my conversational language, my English skills in particular. But I knew things don't go the way I wanted it to be, as a matter of fact I considered myself lucky because I was able to finished college despite the financial hardship our family suffered, right now I am still in college taking up my second degree, a couple of years late working on the degree I wished I had done this the first time I entered college. I believe that it is never too late for school and this time in the posh school, who would have thought?

consideration gone

My friend N is on the process of formalizing their divorce with her husband of a little bit less than 5 yrs. She's been seeking advice from me apparently I haven't have much information regarding her problem I once told her I only knew the basics since I haven't experienced divorce myself and I am not planning of having one in the future. I always tell friends that my husband is so kind and considerate in most things, whenever we have misunderstanding we see to it that everything should be resolved before bed so that it would not create greater friction between us
.
It has been a month since I didn't spoke to her[N] (the usual way); however, it doesn't mean that we are not talking at all. When she calls me I just simply pick up the phone and ask why she called then replied if I feel that its not so mind bugging. When I sensed her purpose of the call is about her problem with her estranged husband I directly tell her that I don't want to get involved with her problems since she is not listening to my advices at all, what's the point?
Before considerate of her but when I realized that she just taken me for granted I just keep myself distance. I once told her not to get involved with any other guy unless her divorce is finalized but as usual she didn't listened to me. And the very insulting part is that I allowed myself to be an accessory to her flirtatious acts by letting her go out with guys while leaving her son in my care. The funny thing is she thought I would never find out what she's up to, yet God is so kind to me, I knew it and catch her directly from her mouth. So I reprimanded her but she kept denying the obvious, to make the long story short I stopped offering help and chitchatting nonsense things with her. I've done my best but she just give me back dishonesty, she can't have my consideration anymore for she wasted it big time!

Bonding moments with Andrea

My sister Lulu and her daughter Andrea visited us for a week, it was a great bonding time. When we picked them at the airport Andrea was so kind of me for she let me carry her right away but the next couple of days she didn't like me anymore except when I have food and she wants me to give her. She would just simply go near me and say "more" which means I have to give her whatever I'm eating. I noticed her love of eating, no wonder she grew big really fast.
Every time she sees me carrying my purse she would say bye, meaning she has to come with me together with her mom because she won't let me held her yet she loves to go with me. She knew my car too! every time she got in to my car she knew the next thing to do and it would be a trip to the nearby store or anywhere we want to go.
Dad and Roger loves her too, in fact they were very excited when Andrea did her tricks especially Dad. He bought her teddy bear and Dora doll, Dad is very generous to her. When they went home both him and Roger said that our house is not the same with out her. I know Dad wished us to have a baby, who doesn't? Hopefully in time, I will just continue my treatment who knows I'll have my own Andrea less the crying.